the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize