your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
