so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
