my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
