I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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