I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
