FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
