ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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