I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
