while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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