Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
