So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
