Heybabeimwearingurpanties
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
