I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
