Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry my hands just texted you
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
