Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
