I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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