When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
