is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
not ubering you a puppy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
