I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
