I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
