would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
