What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
