What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
