I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
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You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.