Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
