Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
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I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory