this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
