All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It all started with a game of naked twister.