I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.