If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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