Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
