omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
