you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
