I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Randomize
