the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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