NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
