yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
