Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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