I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
