needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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