Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
