I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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