im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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