I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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