i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
