Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
