Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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