There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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