Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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