I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
