ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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