Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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