so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
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Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
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Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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