i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
