That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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