he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
