you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
