i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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