wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
