He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize