whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
