everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
