Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
