I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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