i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
