i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm too high and old for this...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
