just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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