his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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