dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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