I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
