so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
