Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
