Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
