I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
