Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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