it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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