I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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