Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
