Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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