i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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