well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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