I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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