The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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