Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
