So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
