The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
