she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it's like iHOP with fire
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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