I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
