Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
